I Know How I Want It To Go
by anotherNear
Summary: A collection of short ficlets about Kurogane and Fai from Tsubasa. Not in chronological order, some may contradict each other, most of it is fluff. Rating is an average, some ficlets will be K, some may be M.
1. By Your Side

Song: "By Your Side" Tenth Avenue North

Rating : K+

It was obvious he didn't want to talk, and Kurogane was getting quite bored with trying to make him.

"Fai…" He said, softly, patiently. Kurogane reached out and put a hand on the other man's shoulder, hoping it was in a comforting manner.

The blonde simply shrugged it off, turning even farther from him, tucking his knees up under his chin.

Kurogane let out a snort. This was so typical, and he was beginning to lose his patients with Fai. He turned away, scowling, and took a few steps down the hallway before stopping, and looked back over his shoulder for a moment. "Well, goodnight, then."

_Why do you fight me Fai? _

Fai felt the tears begin to slide down his cheeks, and he tilted his head back to look up at the moon through the wide window.

_I'm lonely, too. _

"Kuro-rin…" It was barely a whisper.

But the footsteps stopped.

The slight magician stood up from his perch on the windowsill, reaching out to tug lightly on Kurogane's sleeve. "Kurogane…" Louder this time.

The larger man turned, ready to yell, to scold. But he wasn't prepared for the tears still running down Fai's face, or the horrible misery and loneliness in his eyes.

Fai let out a loud, hiccough-y sob and collapsed against Kurogane, wrapping his arms around the other's torso, burying his face in the sturdy chest.

"Oh, my Fai…" Kurogane lowed himself and Fai to the ground, holding the smaller man close.

_It hurts me when you fight like that._

He gently took one of Fai's pale, delicate hands in his own, and placed his free hand on the blonde's nape.

"My Fai…" The ninja breathed against Fai's hair, and softly kissed his forehead. _I can wait forever until you're ready to talk._

_I wish you knew I loved you._

* * *

_**aN ; Ah, Kurofai, my new favorite pairing. This is the first time I've ever written for them, so comments and whatnot are greatly appreciated. Those of you that read anything from Ever After know my usual style of fanfic'ing; I pick a song, and base a short fic around it. The notes at the top tell you what song goes with each ficlet. It's not super important to know each song, but sometimes it gives you a better understanding (or something) of the story if you've listened to it, or listen to it at some point.**_


	2. Untitled

Rating : K+ to T

What. The. Hell.

_I seriously did not do that earlier. I couldn't have, and I didn't…_

Kurogane lay in bed, face down on his pillow, his mind a whirlwind of confusion. How could he, Kurogane, the hard-headed, emotionless… _Well, no, that's not right, I'm not emotionless…_

But still.

How could he have possibly done what he did?

_He just looked so cute, smiling and laughing at all, with Syaoran and Sakura and that little fuzz ball… _

Good Lord. That was his reasoning? That Fai looked _cute_? What the hell was _wrong_ with him today?

Letting out a loud groan, Kurogane rolled over onto his back, eyes shut tight against the moonlight spilling onto his bed. He snuggled down slightly into the covers, enjoying the softness for a moment before the thoughts caught back up with him. He had kissed _Fai. _Who was, last time he checked, a guy. And an annoying, blonde, girly, tease-y one at that. What was _wrong_ with him today?

He _had _looked cute, though. Talking and laughing with Syaoran, smiling up at him with his huge blue eyes, that adorable crinkle forming on the bridge of his nose…

And then, Kurogane had, against all reason, leaned down and pressed his lips against Fai's. In front of everyone. It hadn't been a long kiss, but the damage was done. Fai had blushed like an idiot, Syaoran and Sakura had stared at him, and Mokona had started laughing hysterically. After that…

_Well, I had to run. It's not like I could have stayed there. What else could I have done? I'll just plead drunk tomorrow…_

There were moments before that though… Perhaps this wasn't such a new thing, maybe it hadn't happened "all of a sudden". Maybe…

_Maybe what? Maybe it built up to this? Maybe, but it's not like Fai feels the same way for me._

Kurogane opened his eyes, glancing out the window at the night sky, before rolling over again, onto his side.

When he opened his eyes again, Fai was there, gazing at him, a small smile playing across his lips.

"Kuro-rin moves a lot when he sleeps." Fai said, giggling quietly.

Kurogane glared at the blonde, trying to look as angry as possible, but he felt a blush begin to creep over his cheeks. "What do you want, magician?" He averted his dark crimson eyes from Fai's.

"Kuro-riiiiinnnnnn!" Fai said quietly, and climbed onto the bed, laying down so he was facing Kurogane. "You don't have to be embarrassed by what you did earlier, you know," He said, suddenly growing serious.

Kurogane felt his face grow even hotter as Fai wrapped his thin arms around him, and snuggled closer, burring his face against his neck. They sat in silence for a few moments, before Kurogane tentatively placed one arm over Fai, hugging him close. He felt Fai's lips quirk in a tiny smile.

"Kuro-chan, you don't need," Here, the wizard yawned widely, and then relaxed against Kurogane's body, "…To be so serious all the time."

Kurogane was still for a moment, taken aback, but then he let out a small, gruff laugh, and buried his face in the other man's soft hair. Fai's soft, slow breathing was soothing, and Kurogane felt himself beginning to drift into sleep. Just as he felt his eyes start to slide shut, he smiled.

_IloveyouIloveyIloveyou._

* * *

**aN; Ugh. I still don't feel like I'm good at writing these two... Ah well, I guess practice makes perfect. Please, read and review, I need to improve my writing skills, and my writing of these two.**

**Oh, and, this one doesnt have a particular song to go along with it. It kind of reminds me of Pictures of You (The Cure) or maybe Yours to Hold (Skillet).**


	3. Wounded

Song: "Wounded" Good Charlotte

Rating : k+

Kurogane opened my eyes to everything in this life that I had missed. Everything that I had never thought myself worthy of.

Before him, I couldn't think of anything else that I needed to do, anything that was more important than bringing my brother back. I was so intent, so focused, so obsessed with that goal, that I was on the verge of throwing my own life away, because I couldn't succeed.

Before him, I had no self-worth. My life was meaningless, and I only seemed to bring bad luck, even misfortune, to those around me.

Before him, I had nowhere to go. No one that I felt the need to be with.

When I first met Kurogane, things didn't instantly change. I wasn't transformed into a perfect being, oozing with self-esteem. It happened so slowly, so gradually, that I didn't even notice the change.

When I lost my eye, when Kurogane gave his blood so I could continue to live, I began to see. Not in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined that anyone (least of all Kurogane) would make such a sacrifice for me. I of course, did not appreciate this right away. Inwardly, I even blamed Kurogane for "forcing" me to live when I did not want to.

But, it was after this that I began to notice the change within myself, and the relationship between myself and Kurogane also started to transform, to grow.

We had always casually flirted, and I had, on one or two occasions, stolen a kiss from him while his mind was foggy from sleep, or when he was drunk.

But this was not some silly flirting, or playing around. The barriers that had existed between us started to crumble. We began to learn about each other, talking through many long, cold nights. We began to see each other in new, more focused ways, and only then, I began to realize what true, pure, selfless love really was.

And I also realized that Kurogane had loved me all along. He gives me his blood, and he cut off his own arm, all to keep me by his side. He has saved my life, put himself in danger, almost died, for me, the worthless one.

Because he loves me.

* * *

_**aN; **_**This song just reminds me of Fai. Especially the beginning. (if you haven't ever heard this song, LOOK IT UP NOW)**_… _**I don't know, but I think this just fits Fai (And KuroFai) really well. **

**But, this ficlet… I don't even know. Read and review, please?**


	4. Things Left Unsaid

Song: "Things Left Unsaid" Disciple

Rating: K/K+

He looked so small laying on the bloody white sheets.

Kurogane sat in the darkness, his eyes focused on the thin chest, making sure it continued to rise and fall. Kamui had reassured him that Fai would be fine, that he would recover, but the horrible doubt had begun to take root in his mind.

_He could still die._

The ninja's grip on the sheets tightened, and he gritted his teeth, fighting against the lump that was forming in his throat. _There's so much that I never got to say to him. _

Fai twitched in his sleep, his hand brushing against one of Kurogane's knuckles. Kurogane gently lay his hand over Fai's, feeling the first of the tears begin to spill from his eyes.

_Living would be meaningless without him._

"I'm so sorry, Fai." Kurogane swiped angrily at the tears with his free hand. "So sorry…"

He buried his face in the crook of his elbow, shuddering from the force of the sobs.

_This is all my fault. I should have been there to protect him. Open you eyes, Fai._

He squeezed Fai's hand, swallowing back the sobs. He hadn't stayed by the mage's side for this long, hadn't agreed to become his Esa, just to watch him die. "Fai, I have so much to tell you when you wake up. So, please, wake up soon." _I hope you can hear me._

Kurogane rubbed his eyes, and then lay back on the bed, placing an arm over Fai, adjusting himself so the wizard fit perfectly against him. _I hope you can feel me here, Fai._

He closed his eyes and dozed, but was eventually jerked back into consciousness. How much time had passed, he wasn't sure, but dawn was still far off.

"Kuro-pu?" Fai's eye was closed, but he reached up and softly touched Kurogane's cheek. "Have you been here all night?"

"Yeah. I… We… Were worried about you. So I stayed here to make sure you were alright." Kurogane looked down at Fai, and felt the lump in his throat again, felt the hot tears sliding down his face.

"Kurogane, don't waste your tears on me." Fai's golden eye glimmered in the moonlight, and he brushed the tears from the larger man's face with the pad of his thumb.

"Fai, you mean more to me than you could ever know. I was so scared that you would die…" The last sentence was hardly a whisper.

Fai's eye widened, and he stroked Kurogane's cheek again, a small, sad smile on his lips. "Kurogane… I'm sorry that I caused you this much pain."

"I should have been there… To stop him…" _I love you._

"Kuro-rin?" _He seems so distraught._

Kurogane closed his eyes for a few heartbeats, before craning his head to kiss the bridge of Fai's nose.

"I love you." _Please don't leave._

"Kurogane…" Fai's eye began to fog with tears. "I… I'm sorry…" He rested his head against Kurogane's chest, sniffling pathetically. "I love you so much…"

_**aN; **_**Not one of my best, but…. Meh. x3**


	5. What Sarah Said

Fai let out a gasping sob, and buried his face into the blood-soaked shirt, pushing away the hands that had reached for him, trying to keep him away. He was openly and freely crying, not caring who saw him. He howled the man's name into his chest, hoping that his pleas might be enough to keep his love there, if only for a few more moments.

The body was already beginning to grow cold as the life left it.

_Please don't leave me._

The mage felt a hand gently touch his shoulder, but he shook it off, and grasped at the still form, hoping to fill this last embrace with all of his emotions.

_What about all of our plans?_

He was then forced away, the others, trying to comfort him, grasped at his waist, arms, neck, torso, pulling him away from the only person in his life that mattered.

_Why are you trying to hold me back?_

He let out a scream, yowled the name to the heavens, struggling, and finally tearing from the arms of the other mourners, reaching out to grasp at the hand that was now laying limp on the cold ground, slick with blood. His breath hitched in his throat, and he collapsed onto the ground, coughing, but still desperately clinging to his hand.

_._

He had died to save Fai's life.

Fai swiped at the tears cascading down his face, closed his eyes, murmuring, repeating the name over and over again, as if this would bring him back.

He longed to be held, pulled against that strong chest, if only one more time. Fai needed only a few more minutes, enough time to tell the other man what he meant to him. He had never been told how much he was loved, how much he was needed. But you couldn't express in a few moments what would have taken a lifetime to say.

And Kurogane was already gone.

_Love is watching someone die._

* * *

_**aN; Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I was busy with getting ready for school, and last minute Kumoricon plans and such. Sorry, also, that this is short, and not one of my best works. Read and review, please. **_


	6. the Mixed Tape Part 1

"**Passenger's Seat" Death Cab For Cutie**

Kurogane knelt by the edge of the bed, a tiny smile pulling at his lips. The back of his hand brushed across Fai's cheek, before he placed his palm on the blonde's forehead, moving so he was sitting on the edge of the mattress.

Closing his eyes, he sat like this for a few minutes, enjoying the slow, rhythmic breathing of his lover, and the calmness in the room. When he opened his eyes, he smiled a little wider. Fai had shifted in his sleep, subconsciously moving closer to Kurogane's warmth.

The dark haired man couldn't help himself. He leaned forward, and gently pressed his lips against Fai's.

"**Thunder" Boys Like Girls**

Fai's expression was distant, as if he was staring into some unforeseen past. It was times like this the Kurogane simply sat back and studied the mage. His eyes roved down the other man's chest, stomach, legs, imagining every curve, smiling at the memories of the feel of Fai's thin body pulled tight against his, of the warm breath against his ear as he licked and sucked the blonde's neck, the small gasps he would make when Kurogane managed to find one of his sensitive spots…

But what always held the ninja's attention the longest were Fai's eyes. The captivating, bright colour, crystal-clear blue, like some untouched river or untarnished exotic jewel. They were beautiful, large and innocent-looking, even though the magician had seen so much. They hid secret pains. Secret to everyone but Kurogane, of course.

_Your eyes, are the brightest of all the colours, I don't wanna ever love another, you'll always be my Thunder. _

"**The Reason" Hoobastank**

I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry for all of the times I've ever let you down. I'm sorry I didn't let you in until it was almost to late. I'm sorry for all of the sacrifices that you had to make for me.

I know that I'm far from perfect. I'm tarnished and broken from everything that I've been through in my life. I'm shattered from the blame I took upon myself, for things that may not have even been my fault.

Recently, I've found something that has compelled me to change. Made me re-think everything. Something that made me see my life in new ways, made me realize that even I have worth, have value. Something that helped me to realize that myself is alright, that I don't have to hide behind a new, "better" person. And that even I can go on living, can start over, have a second chance at life.

Kurogane, would it be too much for me to say that you're that something?

"**All The Same" Sick Puppies**

I don't care about the type of person you were. I don't care about you past. I don't want you to blame yourself anymore, not for things that you can't control

I can see through the person you're pretending to be. I can understand why you'd want to hide who you are, but I want you to know that you don't have to anymore.

Not with me.

I don't care that you think you're messed up. I don't care if you're damaged, broken, shattered, confused.

As long as you're by my side, as long as you're with me now, in this moment, nothing else matters. Not the past, not the future, not Ashura.

You're my everything. And I know that somewhere, deep within yourself, you must realize that we complete each other, that one can never be whole without the other right next to him.

I've realized that I love you, Fai. And I hope that you can love me back, despite my flaws.

**AN; Kyaa~! A collection of short, bite-sized ficlets. This is part one of the "mixed tape". Enjoy. Reviews, as always, are _greatly_ appreciated. ALSO, be warned, I didn't really proof-read this one, so if you find errors, please, tell me! Thanks!**


	7. Without You Here

Fai rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, trying to fight against the sleep that was threatening to overwhelm him. He slowly wormed his way out of bed, careful not to disturb the man sleeping beside him. The cold air of the room met his skin, and he let out a soft whimper. But it would be too easy to just crawl back into the bed, to stay here.

And he knew he couldn't. No matter what he did, no matter who he was around, he did nothing but cause them harm. Syaoran, Sakura, Kurogane… He did nothing but hinder them.

And he had caused Kurogane nothing but pain. The ninja had made sacrifice after sacrifice to save Fai, to keep him alive. If he stayed, he was only too certain of what would happen next : Kurogane would die saving him.

Fai shivered as he pulled on his trousers, glancing over at the bed. Kurogane was still sound asleep, sprawled out like usual, limbs flung in all different direction.

The mage had to stifle a giggle. His Kurogane was entertaining, even when he slept. Fai, half-clothed, padded over to the edge of the mattress, gazing down at the tanned face of his love.

_ I'm going to miss him so much…_

Fai shook his head, struggling not to think about his own feelings. This was for the better. If he stayed…

But, what if Kurogane was somehow different, special? He had already proven he was so much more than all of the people that had previously been in Fai's life.

Fai turned away now. If he continued to think like this, he'd never be able to leave.

Fingers gently wrapped around his wrist.

"K…Kuro-rin?" Fai bit his lip, fighting back the emotion he knew was seeping into his voice.

"I dunno where you think you're going, but get back into bed. Now." Before Fai could make any attempt to pull away, Kurogane tugged forcefully on his arm, pulling the smaller man onto the bed.

Fai was about to protest when he felt Kurogane nuzzle the sensitive skin of his neck. Fai felt tears spring to his eyes as the larger man spoke. His voice was soft, filled with an emotion the blonde had never heard in it before, and he held Fai tighter as he whispered,

"Don't you ever leave me, mage."

_**aN; Hmmn. Even Kurogane can be needy. I was actually thinking something a little different for this song's ficlet, but, meh, whatever. I can always write another. **_


	8. I'll Be

Song: "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain.

Rating: K+

Moonlight poured into the dark room from the sunroof, illuminating the small figure dozing on the bed. Kurogane smiled to himself as he sat on the edge of the mattress, near Fai, and gently brushed a few strands of pale blonde hair away from his face.

"My Fai." He whispered quietly, and pulled the blanket up to cover the mage's pale chest. "My beautiful Fai." He would never say anything like this if Fai were awake, or if anyone could hear him. He couldn't imagine how Fai would react.

_He'd probably tease me._

Kurogane's smile dissolved into a small frown.

_He'd never feel the same way about me, anyways._

The ninja let out a loud sigh, and pushed himself up, and off of the bed, closing his eyes. He couldn't believe that he was letting his emotions run away with him like that. But, something about Fai seemed to have that effect on him.

Kurogane was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Fai's eyes open, or the delicate hand reach out, until it was tucked in his own.

"Kuro-pu, why aren't you in bed yet?" The blonde murmured sleepily, sitting up and running his free hand through his bed-head. He then tugged on Kurogane until the larger man was kneeling on the bed, head cocked to one side in confusion.

"Go back to bed, Fai." He tried to move away, but found Fai's arms around his neck, holding him close.

"What did you call me earlier, Kuro-pipi?" Fai asked, a tired smile gracing his face. His left hand traced the muscles of Kurogane's stomach, and the blonde's smile widened as the other man squirmed.

"What? Nothing…!" Kurogane looked away, brows drawing together in irritation. _He was awake…_

"Do you really think I'm beautiful, Kuro-rin?" Fai giggled, snuggling into Kurogane's chest and smiling again. "That was very sweet of you Kuro-ku," He said, looking up into Kurogane's eyes.

Kurogane felt his cheeks grow hot, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from Fai's captivating blue eyes. "Fai…" He said quietly, and before he could over-think, he tilted his head and softly pressed his lips against the wizard's.

Fai's eyes slid shut, and he relaxed against Kurogane, pulling himself closer, deepening the kiss.

The contact was broken much to soon, and Fai blinked questioningly up at the ninja. "Kuro-tan?"

"I can't… Believe I just did that…" The black-haired man laughed nervously, and pulled Fai into a gentle embrace. "Now, go back to bed."

"Only if you'll join me." The mage winked at Kurogane, and flopped back onto the mattress, holding his arm's out for the other man. "Come on, big puppy~! Even warriors need their sleep."

Kurogane rolled his eyes, but settled down onto the bed all the same, letting Fai press close to him, holing the mage somewhat awkwardly. _This will take some getting used to. _He thought to himself, amused.

"My beautiful Fai."

"Only yours."

_**a/N; I've been away from fanfiction for a while, BUT I'M BACK WITH AVENGENCE, BABY.**_

_**I actually like this one quite a lot. Dunno if the song really fits anymore, but~. Anyways. Read and Review, please. I'd like to know if I'm rusty.**_


	9. The Mixed Tape Part 2

"**What Are You Looking For?" Sick Puppies**

_What are you looking for? What are you searching for? Love?_

It happened too fast for either of them to even process what had occurred.

Fai's eyes had traveled down to the floor, playing hurt and confused by a comment Kurogane had made, one that he couldn't even recall.

The next moment, he felt a hand on his chin, another on the back of his neck, guiding his face close to the other man's.

Fai froze, shocked for a moment, before he let out a strangled squeak, eyes flooding with tears. He trembled violently, jerked away from Kurogane, stumbled backwards.

The ninja's eyes widened, just as confused as Fai, just as shocked by his own actions.

"Fai, I'm sorry. I-"

He didn't get to finish before the magician was gone.

"**Bleeding Love" Leona Lewis**

_I don't care what they say, I'm In love with you._

He had taken everything from him, asked too much, had gotten in the way too many times. And yet, he found that he couldn't stay away.

Life without Kurogane would now be meaningless. He had already gotten himself too involved with, too dependant on, too _in love_ with the tall, brooding, honest man. Recalling the nights they spent together, talking, kissing, learning, memorizing each other made him happier than anything had in his entire life. He couldn't imagine being away from him, couldn't fathom how he would feel if ever separated from this man, his best friend, his only love.

He couldn't let his own doubts or the whisperings of others sway him. His place was by Kurogane's side. Kurogane was the life-giving breath for a drowning child, the warm, firm hand that guided him in the dark.

He was life, he was love, and he was completely and totally Fai's.

"**Fearless" Taylor Swift**

_The first kiss, it's flawless, really something- It's fearless._

There was something about the moment, the feeling, the electricity in the air. He could never say why he had taken that chance, thrown all of his doubts away, and finally taken action.

He cautiously leaned in, heart hammering wildly against his ribcage, terrified of frightening the other away.

The blonde closed the gap, his eyes sliding shut as their lips met, letting the tiniest of groans escape him, as if he had been waiting ages for this.

Kurogane gently pulled the smaller man close, deepening the kiss, wanting it to never end. He couldn't think of anything better than this.

"**Pretend" Lights**

_It would be nice to start over again, before we were men, I'd give, I'd bend, let's play, Pretend._

Some days, he thought that it would be nice to just go back, to forget everything that had happened on this journey, to curl up in his emptiness and lose himself.

Some days, he couldn't handle the pain that he caused himself and others, the memories gnawing on him until he could hardly function.

Some nights, He would lie awake, hoping, wishing that somehow his life would end, his companions would forget about him, that he could go back to before he was Fai. Sometimes, he wanted to start over, to somehow change everything that had happened. Pretending could only get him so far, plastering that fake grin -his cheerful mask- on could only get him so far.

But, those days, those nights, Kurogane would hold him a little tighter, rocking him and nuzzling him until the tears stopped, until everything was better. They would sit in comfortable silence, in each others embrace, until everything was right again.

And the joys of those days and nights could outweigh the sorrows.

_**aN; Hmmn. Taylor Swift. I forgot I had her on my iPod. Haha. I think these are kind of written in a weird style. It's certainly not my normal voice/mode of writing. Oh well. Part two of what I like to call "The Mix Tape", which is just what I call the chapters that contain multiple mini-song fics. Enjoy, and, please R&R. (:**_


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